I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
