yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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