I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
