My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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