Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
