I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
