hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
