she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just pee around me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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