Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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