my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
