I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
