you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
