So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
