if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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