Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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