I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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