Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
