Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
