We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
