pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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