"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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