so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
