I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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