Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize