I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
