dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
