How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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