ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
