Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
