M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
