went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize