Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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