I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
