I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
