Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize