Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
