and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize