there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
do herpes really smell.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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