You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
