Taylor Swift is so right about you.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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