the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am midnight drunk by noon
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
