i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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