Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
