Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's the barista slut.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
