this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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