My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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