Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
