Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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