I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
