So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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