Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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