But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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