It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
