eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is this like a preordered booty call?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
