If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
