Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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