I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
