did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize