I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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