Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
