this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
