just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
