I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
