Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize