it hurts more in the daytime
apparently the secret to your success is patron
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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