He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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