My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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