well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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