3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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