Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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