WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize