he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
