Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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