dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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