I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Come see our sink grown plant.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
